hernia et al..
Can’t sleep due to cough and the associated pain it brings to my recently operated wounds. So every cough is a struggle, trying to make it a small cough (like the one you hear from a cat) as possible but still feeling my insides coming outside. I had hernia operation a week ago, I’ve had both sides already, the bandage is gross looking so I removed it yesterday, that is the first process, to remove the bandage and lick my lips for the excruciating pain, my eyes rolling but not seeing anything, but never mind the pain, I remember talking to myself, you have to look, but I don’t want to look at it, again thinking, you have to deal with this, and the first is to stop thinking anything else and to look at it. Dear Lord, they’re not nice, 3 incision wounds, they told me it’s a hitech process, instead of the normal 5 inches “open surgery”, they made “key hole” 3 incisions in the skin using an instrument called laparoscopy. The kind of stuff u always see on Reality TV. The doctor told me it’s tension free (that’s why the price is double) but later I realized that in terms of pain after the surgery, it was 3 times than the normal procedure because instead of one, I have 3 holes in my stomach. I remember the first night that even breathing is as difficult as climbing mount everest. Back to the bandage thing, first time I got a closer look of the one in my navel, looks like a roasted pig skin to me, ok, get the betadine and clean it, no, I feel nauseated, I rested my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. That’s the problem with me, I have this phobia with wounds or blood or something like that(or just the image of west visayas state hospital on my mind) , again, second courage. I took the betadine solution, pour it over a gauze and rub it on the wounds and throw the gauze on air. I went to sleep. That day, I had just given my resignation to the company, made a courageous call to the boss and that’s it. Maybe I put all my pressure to myself that I decided to clean my wounds that day, like hitting two birds, but with two stones. Both not so easy or maybe the deadly cocktails of antibiotics and pain killers made me strong that day (just like the kind of high you get when you pass math 11..)
Still I cant sleep, staring at the mirror in front of me while on my bed, I look like a zombie. Listening (partly), to the Righteous Brothers, maybe they will help me sleep, but thoughts wandering in and out about the things that could happen with my decision and begun asking what life really means to me. My cough bringing intervals to my thoughts so often and as I reach for a glass of water rested on my back near the closed window my mind landed on the soft music that fills the room. You’ll Never Walk alone. Wow, really, when your in pain, u also became so deadly philosophical, mushy mushy and little bit stupid. Sad that life came without instructions like the one we easily read on shampoo labels, but whatever decision, I should say, I did it my way. I will get my freedom next month. Hmm, time to sleep now, must be the cough syrup working this time, a new song humming on my head…(oh it’s sad to be alone, help me make it through the night).
2 Comments:
you'll get through all these!
as we always say in our UP days: ikaw pa???
TC
hello...i have read your blog...and it touches me so much! anyway..life is really like that..there is an ups and downs..the experience that you have is just a trial for you you..whether you are strong or not..me...i have a lot of trials that comes my way...it has even becoming worst..GOD loves you so much! just keep on praying and GOd will lead you always to the right path...Remember the trials makes us to build our strenght..i am a woman..who has a lot of problems in life, but i keep holding on with GOD... He is always there for us...and answers our prayers whenever we are in need...
Don't lose hope! As long as there is color in our life! GOD loves you so much!
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